Fearless at the Feet of the Fearless

Absorption in gratitude towards the saints in our lineage can open the door to a world of loving permanence. This mystical realm is impervious to the anxieties of our external world.

I’m writing this article from a food court in a bustling multi-story shopping mall in a busy inner-suburb of Sydney, Australia. I’m surrounded by smells of food that I detest and by thousands of people who are mostly looking for satisfaction by acquiring objects of the senses at prices determined by whatever they’re willing to pay.

You see, today presented a big psychological challenge for me. In a way, it’s a personal microcosm of the Battlefield of Kurukṣetra. At this very moment I’m forced by circumstance to face anxieties that have been fixated in my psyche since as long as I can remember. I’m happy to report that today, by the grace of my spiritual grandfather A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda, I’m slaying these inner-demons assembled in the theatre of my mind. Let me explain how we arrived here.

vande 'haṁ śrī-guroḥ śrī-yuta-pada-kamalaṁ śrī-gurūn vaiṣṇavāṁś ca

When I left the hotel this morning I put on a pair of noise cancelling headphones, downloaded the classic recording of Śrīla Prabhupāda singing Guruvaṣṭakam by the seventeenth century saint Viśvanātha Cakravarti Ṭhākura, put it on repeat and walked downhill to the bus stop in the busy Sydney suburb of Camperdown.

saṁsāra-dāvānala-līḍha-loka-
trāṇāya kāruṇya-ghanāghanatvam
prāptasya kalyāṇa-guṇārṇavasya
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

The guru is receiving benediction from the ocean of mercy. Just as a cloud pours water on a forest fire to extinguish it, so the guru delivers the materially afflicted world by extinguishing the blazing fire of material existence. I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a guru, who is an ocean of auspicious qualities.

In a couple of weeks, I plan to be in Vraja and want to circumambulate Govardhana Hill, yet my shoes are not up to the task. The bottoms are worn and, despite being out of my rural comfort zone travelling through this unfamiliar metropolis of Sydney, now is the time to replace them. So I’m dealing with anxieties which may not amount to much in others’ eyes, but for me are difficult. Yet, here I am in this smelly food court waving a victory flag and feeling a sense of peace that I find hard to describe. (I’m not literally waving a flag, that would be weird.)

I abhor shopping, and especially shopping for shoes. It must be some sort of trauma thing because it’s clearly not a rational anxiety. I find it frustrating to find non-leather, sanely-priced, and easily removable foot attire. This is made all the worse now that someone decided to turn shoe shops into discotheques where the music is so loud that you can barely think. Having to yell in response to the staff who are trying to help turns me into a proper grump to the point that I have to zip my lips to contain the generational shade that wants to pour forth, “Back in my day a shoe shop was a place of quiet contemplation” …. or some silly statement like that. It truly is nuts from my perspective, though.

Serendipitously, the bus arrived within a minute. I hopped on board and was pleased to see that the fare machine was broken ….. free lift!

mahāprabhoḥ kīrtana-nṛtya-gīta-
vāditra-mādyan-manaso rasena
romāñca -kampāśru-tarańga-bhājo
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

Chanting the holy name, dancing in ecstasy, singing, and playing musical instruments, the guru is always gladdened by the sańkīrtana movement of Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu. Because they’re relishing the mellows of pure devotion within their mind, sometimes their hair stands on end, they feel quivering in their body, and tears flow from their eyes like waves. I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a guru.

As I sat on the bus, something began to pull at my mind as Śrīla Prabhupāda enunciated his deep gratitude for his teacher. This atmosphere of joy and sincere appreciation seemed a far more appealing juxtaposition to the concrete vista scrolling past the window. I closed my eyes and just allowed myself to be prayerfully attentive to his consciousness. I reached out to Śrīla Prabhupāda asking him to let me experience something of what he tastes when speaking these potent syllables.

śrī-vigrahārādhana-nitya-nānā-
śṛńgāra-tan-mandira-mārjanādau
yuktasya bhaktāḿś ca niyuñjato ‘pi
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

The guru is always engaged in the temple worship of Srī Srī Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa. They also engage their students in such worship. They dress the Deities in beautiful clothes and ornaments, clean Their temple, and perform other similar worship of the Lord. I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a guru.

After a few minutes, the Sydney public transport app on my phone pinged for me to get off the bus. Easy. I disembarked and began walking towards this metro shopping centre that the map on my phone identified as being the home of a shoe shop. At some point, I noticed that my steps were in time to Prabhupāda’s mṛdaṅga beats and, for some reason, this just made me happy.

catur-vidha-śrī-bhagavat-prasāda-
svādv-anna-tṛptān hari-bhakta-sańghān
kṛtvaiva tṛptiḿ bhajataḥ sadaiva
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

The guru is always offering Kṛṣṇa four kinds of delicious food. When they see that the devotees are satisfied by eating bhagavat-prasāda, they’re satisfied. I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a guru.

An electric passenger train snaked through the street as pedestrians crossed back and forth over roads where it was hard to distinguish the footpath from the lane for automobiles. These situations usually put me into a subtle anxiety but, for some reason, not today.

Each syllable began to blossom with the sweetest love. In my mind, it was like watching a time-lapse film of a field of wildflowers exploding with colour. Prabhupāda is not an ordinary person. Of all the things that are changeable in this world, his love for guru and Kṛṣṇa come from a place of permanence. I felt embraced by this beauty and, as I made my way through the bustling street, I felt an overwhelming gratitude.

śrī-rādhikā-mādhavayor apāra-
mādhurya-līlā guṇa-rūpa-nāmnām
prati-kṣaṇāsvādana-lolupasya
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

The guru is always eager to hear and chant about the unlimited conjugal pastimes of Rādhikā and Mādhava, and Their qualities, names, and forms. The guru aspires to relish these at every moment. I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a guru.

I looked up to see the blue sky framed by the buildings. The notion crossed my mind that maybe the sky is blue by design so that we can more easily remember Kṛṣṇa? I feel as if everything in my environment is perfectly placed. The pigeons cooing and hopping, the metallic screech of the train, the line of people waiting outside of a gigantic glass sliding door, and the thin white greasy sheet of paper that went tumbling past in the wind all seemed somehow orchestrated in a perfectly chaotic vista. Something far more substantial was pulling at my heart through the medium of my ears. I saw all of the people with such affection as I felt my soul uplifted by the song of such a beautiful devotee of Kṛṣṇa.

nikuñja-yūno rati-keli-siddhyai
yā yālibhir yuktir apekṣaṇīyā
tatrāti-dākṣyād ati-vallabhasya
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

The guru is very dear, because they’re expert in assisting the gopīs, who at different times make different tasteful arrangements for the perfection of Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa’s conjugal loving affairs within the groves of Vṛndāvana. I offer my most humble obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a guru.

At this point, I’m completely distracted from my anxiety. My legs are walking, I’m checking my phone to make sure I’m on the right path, but Śrīla Prabhupāda has enchanted my being and is holding me suspended from the fear generated by past impressions in my mind. I felt completely seperate to the chaos so I allowed myself to be fearlessly absorbed in Prabhupāda’s fearlessness.

sākṣād-dharitvena samasta-śāstrair
uktas tathā bhāvyata eva sadbhiḥ
kintu prabhor yaḥ priya eva tasya
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

The guru is to be honoured as much as the Supreme Lord, because they are the most confidential servitor of the Lord. This is acknowledged in all revealed scriptures and followed by all authorities. Therefore I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a guru, who is a bona fide representative of Srī Kṛṣṇa.

It doesn’t sound to me as if Śrīla Prabhupāda spent any effort at all to embellish the musicality of his prayer. Some lines are delivered plaintively as almost a single pitch as if to demonstrate that the substance does not depend upon the vessel with which it’s carried. Yet, the song is poignant and beautiful in its own right without even trying.

I headed up the escalator, not sure exactly where this shoe shop was in this huge multi-story complex. I got to the first floor and randomly hooked a right. With Prabhupāda‘s vibration pouring into my ears, my heart felt so content in a situation that would normally make me want to get home as soon as possible. It might have been in my imagination, but it seemed that people  were making eye contact and smiling such beautifully genuine expressions towards me. I felt a tinge of Kṛṣṇa’s love for them and was convinced that Kṛṣṇa was perfectly looking after everyone I saw.

yasya prasādād bhagavat-prasādo
yasyāprasādān na gatiḥ kuto ‘pi
dhyāyan stuvaḿs tasya yaśas tri-sandhyaḿ
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam

By the mercy of the guru one receives the benediction of Kṛṣṇa. Without the grace of the guru, one cannot make any advancement. Therefore, I should always remember and praise the guru. At least three times a day I should offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of my guru.

Just around the corner was the shoe shop I was looking for; I didn’t even have to search around for it. I stepped inside and scanned the walls and shelves for the right section. There, off in a corner, the shoes I saw online were displayed, but with a 50% off clearance emblem. Just then, a lovely transgender person asked me if needed any help. I looked her in the eye and smiled awkwardly while I fiddled with the off button on my headphones. As soon as they powered off, the loud electronic music in the shop poured in, but the assistant’s genuine smile kept me in a state of joy. Kṛṣṇa is unlimited in how he works.

We quickly found the right size; she rang me up and, as I waved goodbye, I dropped my old shoes into the bin outside shop. I put my headphones back on and reconnected with the sonic dimension gifted to us by His Divine Grace. Śrīla Prabhupāda beckons us towards a higher realm of the sweetest love and simultaneously shows, by his own example, that the way there is via attachment to Kṛṣṇa‘s devotee.

In Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (11.2.37), Kavi Ṛṣi, one of the nine saintly personalities called Yogendras, gives us this perspective:

bhayaṁ dvitīyābhiniveśataḥ syād
īśād apetasya viparyayo ’smṛtiḥ
tan-māyayāto budha ābhajet taṁ
bhaktyaikayeśaṁ guru-devatātmā

When the living entity is attracted by the material energy, they develop a sense that they’re separate from Kṛṣṇa, and thus become overpowered by fear. With such a distracted consciousness, they’re impelled to act as Kṛṣṇa’s competitor. To bring the consciousness back into alignment with unalloyed bhakti-yoga, one who is actually intelligent worships Kṛṣṇa as his teacher, worshipful Deity and source of life.

So all of my fear was dissolved by aligning my mind with the sound coming from my grandfather guru’s mouth. Because he is empowered by the Lord to minister to “lost souls” like myself, it wasn’t even very difficult. A little gratitude from my side was all it took to start the ball rolling. The rest was grace. I pray that this grace is evident and available here to the reader.

I now sit in this bustling food court in a major commerce hub in a cosmopolitan city. Here, in this hell of consumerism, nothing can touch me. I’m not of this world. Neither are you. This is suburban mysticism.

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Image courtesy of Radhesyam Dasi

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These words were not generated with or augmented by artificial intelligence; just “flawsome” human thoughts here … with, of course, due homage to The Algorithm that abides over us all.

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